I fell asleep to avoid crying
but sleep offered little escape
a little fishy was late
to school
a hopeless mommy was late
because she's a man's fool
integration went down in a pool
I'm not myself
The first is last and the last is first
or so he said over dessert

i think my soul is nothing more
than a faulty ink blot
my light body isn't here
the purple got caught
in cryptic dreamers tape
like a mermaid trapped in a net
i saw a man upset with life
my cheeks were still wet
Kleenex boxes of regrets
why can i still see him when i close my eyes?
cheap story of a path denied

he wrote a letter
like a lover hiding from his wife
devoid of nuptials
the Communion was dry
another moment i allowed to float by
girl on the dream side
The pew didn't move, but i sure did squirm
knowing he will never learn
i chewed the bread before a hypocrite passed me the wine
will there ever be an opportunity to make it right?
not in this life, not in this life

will there ever be a dream that won't hurt?
not under this sky, not under this sky
I can't stomach a God
of a man that beholds me
astral rays of a mind that strays
only to condemn me when I'm awake
I'm not even a person
I'm just a lyrical mistake
i saw him flip through the pages and sob
"How can one girl be so lost?
maybe she should just die and fuck off
it isn't up to me to save her
maybe it's just easier to hate her."

he hugged me goodbye, but he didn't really leave
it isn't fair because it isn't up to me
I drove to the cliff, the moon let me grieve
a spider tried to comfort my empty needs
i wanted to be the string that tied him to his deeds
the past was torched by an old apple tree
nothingness profited from a man who couldn't see
fallen good fruit reduced to bad seeds
or so goes the story of a telepathic dream
waking loveless indeed, dying loveless reprieve

-Jessica Robbins (c) 2009