Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Trust Compromised

A song kidnapped my heart
as trust was compromised
it's been locked away
reluctant prisoner
trapped and tied to yesterday
love is an expression
and i can no longer paint
the fingers from my heart
are connected the same

The truth was burned at the stake
trial by bills in rolls
my innocence was a field
billowing indigo
i thought trust was so unspoken
but it was bundled up and sold

Love is an expression
but I can no longer dance
the legs i used to ride with
were jousted off with his lance

trust put on a blindfold
and the horse was lead away
to a bank personified
the teller counted tokens
As the dream curled up and died
love is an expression
and i can no longer write
the hands i used were cut off
by the loathing inside

what's the point of a story
when trust is compromised?

Freedom was held at gunpoint
the music ran away with her soul
i had to give you up
you told me to let go
love is an expression
and I can no longer sing
my soul knew the song
and now that it's gone
I feel nothing

By Jessica Robbins (c)copyright 2009

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Swallowed by a Shark

womanhood i put you down!
mark me not, I am not this gender fixed
denounce the mere distinction, i do!
disgraceful interpretation of sight

spoons i bid you lose sound
clacking genital clowns
stick a cross in me when I'm done
before I live to be rich
what a curse a lying man's money is

I prepared more bread
as slanted control freaks got hitched
they bought crystal to use once a year
nick knacks and fruit bowls to rattle
and procreate conservatism
(an overused saddle)
the homemaker occupies a hobby
needling throw pillows
while the working man goes to lobby
snobby alloys consume power tools

meanwhile the oranges in the wedding gift
go uneaten and sour too
fruit flies swarm the nectar of nowhere
leaving their larva on open watermelon
I had to throw it away
but I kept dishes to match
down to the blackest seed
the man took out the trash while his wife was ironing

i spit out the seeds of my shadow
before the sun turned down
sheeted roles, these genders
on their hides i cut my teeth
blasted and baseless names to form
based on form, a female is not so stripped under siege
How do we reconcile
eras of time and tradition
with gender and race inscribed minds?

In the days of Christ and craze
i walked as a daughter of Jerusalem
a title I am still inclined to save
(if nothing else)
the hillsides were rolling as i gathered moss
tossing sleepers from their graves
stirring psalms of souls
whispering to gentle galaxies
in a single bowl of oneness, the whole

apostles came to me, searching
searching for resolve, for a reason to be bold
boldness beyond an exposed breast
from the Christ inside these words cried
lest my peace be patient with you
may thy will to forgive and be forgiven take hold
the earth is not what you will become
heaven sent you are, more than some
only visiting down below
Be happy in the harvest and go

God grant me strong hands
to throw my womanhood to the sharks!
I want to live in the belly of the beast
once I have been digested
I shall know spiritual release
I felt it once, so long ago
before my eyes became my ears
my breasts were two wings
I heard the glowing ones hark
before my legs were one fin
my wings were His mind
swimming ever through
unity in the infinite divine

and when one fin swam over the moon
a time before kings were made of Lear
my orbit no longer marooned
i knew you in God's purity
before the world dubbed you
sexiest man of the year
birth instilled needless insecurity
and people were controlled by fear
understand if you have ears

do you know who you really are?
whose sea you are in?
if so, by all means
Swim Jesus fish
swim, swim!

(C) Jessica Robbins

Monday, June 15, 2009

love fell upon me
i wanted to pet his soul
as though it were a baby bird
knocked from a nest in a bad storm
his beak fell off in my hand
and i placed it in a bag of shoes
maybe as a keepsake, maybe as a charm
in case i ever need to change direction
i shall have many styles from which to choose
and his mouth to keep me from self-harm

i thought to crush him with my heel
but that thought came after falling in love with him
it was just the wounds talking
as he told me it was real
still, the wings could not be mended
for fairness lost does not heal
how can one regrow life?
i sure hope the fall was nice

baby bird, i don't want to out live you!
i never wanted to out grow you either
didn't you see how we were together?
when i look up and see so many birds in a flock
it saddens me your only flight was so alone
harder than the fall, even tumbling stocks
more broken than your broken wings
was the broken feeling
of you falling out of my dreams

the bird's skeleton
took my thorn ridden heart
and had a scultping party with a chisel
carving uncrossed legs
into the intestinal tenant
as if perversion were all i felt
as we fell

I know not how simple words could ever detail
the morbidness of death i feel
in this chamber of lost causes
apethitc prudence
is a toxic rain puddle at best
i lack the callous courage to endure
a single soft lifespan, more or less
fallen from the robin's nest

(C) Jessica Robbins

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Chances of Survival

Visualizing chances of survival
a fleeting sight worth more to some than others
blue bruises spotted
million dollar legs
like a blueberry muffin
infiltrated by sage

He said soul mate
She said one date
meeker than a mouse
altercation rough house
one took a tumble down the stairs
I was there, I was there

Beer bottle flying through a window
crash! the glass on a white floor
Peach lipstick scrawled on a mirror
not in love, but a crude note to blare
whore beware, whore beware

pills spilled like salt
from a childproof bottle
her face was a woman with a grip
but a scared little girl lived within
covered in nails and balls of spit
unsure, sharing herself only to feel wanted

bringing anyone else happiness
always backfired on her
with a jammed revolver
she had vodka to spare
a knife was there, a knife was there

slash marks on the door
on her hand she wandered
naked into the hallway
threatening to take it all away

don't come any closer
the world doesn't care
I was there, I was there

(C) Jessica Robbins

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Vampire Feast

the cat was howling but it finally ceased
an owl could have picked it apart piece by piece
and carried the furry remains
to a vampire feast

the pain was growling but it found release
pulled my skin apart piece by piece
and carried my fractured remains
east of a vampire feast

Gabriel tried to talk to me but i am deceased
the world tore me apart piece by piece
and carried my maggot covered name
to a nameless grave
buried to the music the vampire played

asphyxiating presence
scowling in deceit
smothered me silent, dream by dream
and set my lifeless spirit
in the night of a vampire feast

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Looking Forward

instant chase of a tale that began in space
from a blue planet we came down
a colony advanced mother nature's chance
a race that met a sudden demise

i lived with him there by the vengeful tides
a place unseen by Godly means
we made love in a temple in the sky
he was the green on my ground
the purple light on my crown
he was the man of a boy who had died
the fate of his hands couldn't meet demands
expectations will only make you cry

inferior rot clemency was lost
as the dawn of male supremacy climbed
she couldn't account for indiscretion drowned
flanked by a wild tendency to fly

few listen to a mind gone missing
the door was open but he wouldn't leave
I'm in love with the way he wanted to stay
stoic smile from an angry child
kissing our future goodbye

i left in the dark and boarded an ark
last of nobility sank in vulnerability
lest i forget all of his regret, lack of emotional versatility
cleansed by impurity of blackened eyes
scanning mistakes in unchangeable fate
i couldn't help but just ask why
he was only looking forward to the day he'd die

(C) Jessica Robbins

Friday, June 5, 2009

No more prizes in flesh

I gain no consolation
in being a missionary
with a lost mission
finding redemption
excavated in being a companion
to the spiritual fish
never missing
intellectual adventure
affording no more expenditures
to a one way sea
i warrant my own immortality
a jailer made me
overseer to those
who cannot see
seeking estate
gates that fall in probate
strutting past overt intention
if over zeal makes them laugh
then humor is my fast
for it is my mission
only to love
as he loves me
the only gem worth digging
emotions and jewels
i could never posses
only confess

(C) Jessica Robbins

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dancing Heaven

as my spirit sank ever low
i tucked a jewel
of purple gray
under my pillow
crystal truth
make it stay
beyond this recluse
in a golden era of today

the night was starlit
like a dream in the sky
closely knit in my eye
my joy spilled over
like an endless cup of light
life was so happy
i begged God
never let me die

i know not when the end came
or if it still waits
like a child born too late
i remember waking
perfectly in his arms
tucked in knowing
sunrise alarm
ringing in amour
protected by love

drawing of a heart
carved in wooden care
missing point of a part
the star had his wear
i knew not what to say
pray words were made to spare
i knew not how lie
so i danced for him there
just so i wouldn't cry

before the guns broke out
and the rain turned to fire
halo of doubt
became a Christ cloud
eye to eye
his blue became mine
he never said it out loud
inwardly i felt his time, his life
closely knit are he and i
the thread holding
my spine to his mind
i still watch him sometimes
in a window we share
tied to each other
like we are a pair

a mirror, the same
image evoked
i saw his look in me
telepathic love note
written in threes
signature of heaven
a mother long ago wrote
before we received each other
before God spoke
to tell me goodbye

-Jessica Robbins