old echo in the walls
black horses slowly fall
God is glory of love and truth to all
Can you hear the call?
Hush...

I have more love than I had yesterday
I have more love and less time to waste
the gravestone is made and waiting
can you carve out the dates?

What I once loved has evaporated
but I found more to love
as I meditated
on truth
and in loving eyes
I saw only love in you
Can you see with eyes of Christ?
I do, I do

(c) 2011 Jessica Robbins

Don’t follow any kind of dream you have when Pluto is squaring the sun, I made an unfortunate free will error today and I literally was able to pin point the disruptive force to a dream I had at the exact moment the sun was squaring Pluto.

I should have read my daily cosmic planner before I did anything, if I’d have read that cosmic warning, I never would have followed that dream. The sun is squaring Pluto, that’s why the dreams decided to fuck me in all the wrong ways today. If I had read this forecast warning beforehand, I never would have gotten up and literally followed the dream, it was the underworld themes screwing with me. I knew Gabriel wouldn’t do that to me. I have been trying to make sense of this all day, I was astonished and dismayed when all of this began to unfold, it didn't make any sense.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I had the dream at the exact moment when the sun was squaring Pluto. That is never the kind of dream to act on, that is a messy alignment, I should have known by how disorganized and deceptive the dream was, but I didn’t know it until it was too late.

I saw myself doing something in the dream and I woke up and did exactly what I saw, it was a natural reflex almost and it backfired on me immensely. Usually the dreams don’t hurt me like that on purpose, but today was different. It felt as though some kind of dark power wanted me to fail and it went out of its way to toss me off course. Throw an underworld theme in like Pluto fucking with the dream life and that would absolutely explain the events of today, it is a recipe for disaster.

I can’t believe I didn’t read this before it was too late. I had no idea what I was doing, I just woke up and started going about my day like I’d seen it in the dream and that was a huge mistake today. A bad dream literally cost me 4 grand. I am trying not to be upset about it, but that money was going to feed Aurora and I for 4 months and now I have no idea what I am going to do.

***This planetary alignment is also partially responsible for the sudden outburst of violence in Egypt. I agree with what the protesters are protesting, but this is a prime example of the more widespread effects. This type of universal influence can have drastic lingering consequences on collective humanity. I am thankful I'm finally aware of this only because I can clearly see it was not isolated to my little dream. Obviously there are larger things happening here in part because of the Sun Pluto tug of war going on. The dream only demonstrates how something astrological can begin on a very basic, unconscious level and then resonate into much deeper pockets of society.

Ok here's the deal. On paper--I have 15 organized tracks in rough draft listing, formatted for this epically innovative album.... an album that's been a few years in the making and mostly nurtured and thriving in the dream stages for a long while now. I have arranged, rehearsed, and recorded the majority of these songs to some extent--acapella, just to establish how it is supposed to flow in theory.

I frequently hear songs and music in the dreams and I wake up and record them exactly how I hear theses ideas fed to me. (Waste not, want not.) Then for good measure, I google the song idea to make sure it's never been done before. Every song I hear in the dreams usually turns out to be original material. Which is good news for me and those smart & insightful souls who end up taking a chance on working with me and manifesting this totally unique project!!

I know as of now, it's still a far fetched and as Aquarius "out there" as it gets, but that's a good thing!! You have to start somewhere and I'd rather do it this way and gradually build the music around it than rush into something and have it sound like forgettable crap!! So hence, I have been taking my sweet ass time in the early developmental stages of the creative process. At least I will be prepared.

Now realistically projecting this, I just have to match the notes and find a group of HONEST people who see the same dream I have for this project & are willing and TRUSTWORTHY enough to help me bring it to life. Notice the key words being HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY. (Easier said than done as I have learned in the past.) Anyway it's a start, I have put in a fair portion of the work thus far and have a solid foundation for a really outstanding album.

If I end up having to doing the whole damn thing by myself, then so be it, but I'm going to do it the right way or die trying.

 

Well I made it through the perpetual heartbreak of waking up last year, let's see how this year goes....

Curious control
I don't want to be this owned
born into this beast
freedom's finely written on a lease
the Mayor's loyalty concedes
to the police and DMV
the D Motherfucking V

scandal of sadness
No such Jefferson gladness
sure you can be free
if you pay a tax for your deceased

as the dream moon waxes
they'll vote for nine more taxes
refusal to comply
they'll burn the stick in your eye
and lock you angrily away
ground of convenience and more red tape
lines the silver of a hypocrite state

"probable cause"
they'll pass 90 more lame laws
while liberty runs lost
axis of Antichrist it regulates
doesn't matter how you vote or what say
just come with bribes to pay

off to the war
love is seldom and rarely sworn
harder still to learn
peace is graded on a curve

if you try to wage a fight
know that you will have the right
the right to stay silent
blindfold & ban on self-evident light

they built a land mine on it
and if you rebels in grit
try to change this hell and shit
they'll raise your sentence to twelve

2 more years the calendar runs out
no more bad money left to count
equality fades away
meanwhile the Fed's play cards with CIA
the rivers fill with toxic waste
God can see the trace
and Michael has the ace

the pot steams short and stout
drag it to the olive mount
bring down the carnal house
it just feeds on fear & doubt

All the bells have stopped ringing
but the children still are singing
Where are the Saviors now?
Where are the Saviors now?

(c) 2010 Jessica Robbins

tucked away in this chamber of clarity
I wear my drippy emotions deep and despairingly
I’ve stopped crying for now
but the sickle windy weather is fairing
the faint frozen soul in me
the candle is in here
it hasn’t gone out yet I see

the men come quickly
everywhere it seems
they’re waiting to objectify
more of me
they honor only their disease
project these fucking sensuous motives onto me
I don’t want sex, not in a way mortals do
I made love in a dream once
it felt more like love than use

I want such love to experience
to constantly create the spiritual ecstasy
it's more of a thought than an act
I crave healthy thinking in every cell
to know how such love feels beyond the dreamy fairytale

Fulfillment, it doesn’t dissipate after the sun rises
sometimes I delight in indulging his altering guises
young once, older the next
he's even come in an age when he was unwed
as I did suggest
it’s proven one way to know more
to be loved, cared for, and adored
by one man, at least when he chooses to see
the most sensitively remote and pure side of me

Do I know who he is at all?
Do I falter too frequently in disbelief?
if it’s truly Jesus, so mote it be

all those who know not the trinity
bide their actions by impulsive brink
laughed at sad cat calls, ignored the pervert winks
And when I tried to oblige and make it work
I tolerated abuse
and heard every petty excuse you can think
and I’ll tell you now
excuses won’t make a wedding ring

celibacy, my will
to have and hold
abstaining from skin
no more, no more men can come in

I hear their thoughts
the way they react to my form
the come not for the basin of life

they lay with countless women
who are obviously not their wives
and then they wonder why
they’re souls are still so unsatisfied
Godless fools

you can’t fill yourself with material and sex
and expect it to fix what’s wrong
another broken, loveless marriage
keeps playing that tired, ill fated Disney song
broken record
scratch

(c) Jessica Robbins

Unraveling despair
the heartbreak fills the air
your love slaughters me
caring gore to spare

yet little is spared it seems
for it’s taking over all of my dreams
invader yeah like a razor
to a clean wrist
spill out the bloodstream

stitch my burns up again
while I’m waiting
drink a few more cups of flaming sin
the fire fills the seed
and hopelessness was made for me
just like you and I

were made to dream

a heart of grain
drawn in the sand
the tender times
I held your happy hand
rolling over close to me
begging for releasing
releasing
If I could
I'd dream without ceasing
no ceasing

I took a drink and you held on
I took some pills and you threw up
I closed my eyes and counted to ten
and you were there beside me
still waiting once again
I took an oath in secret to you
that I’d always understand
no matter what stupid shit you do
but what the fuck more do you want from me?
you and I both know they’re more than dreams
they’re more than dreams

the emotion swept me away
I fear I'm far more lovable in that place
taken with teal eyes
tidy little grace
a broken, lonely baby face

now you’re gone
and I’m searching this empty waste
wasted time and a private parking space
the oil stains on the driveway
collect runny, more saturated by the day
longing not to
wash his oil away

It’s satisfying, thrilling juicy things
the way the memories feed me
day in and slowly out
out in his starry meadow
the way truth seldom drips
over his embellished lips
words to run as love runs about

I can’t muster a hunger
I feel tempted by nothing
little tanglible registers here
I overcame the world my dear
all I have to do now is get out
do you have such ears to hear?
hear and go knowingly
beyond each and every dream
I go
go on knowing
love

(c) 2010 Jessica Robbins