I got back into the pool and started swimming again. My first love- swimming. It's such a blessing to be able to approach it on my own terms at this stage of my life. The water is always there for me when I decide to come back to it and in the chlorinated water, I am free to blissfully tune out all of the other static and background noises of the world. Stillness doesn't evade me when my soul is submerged in water. I feel how much God loves me when I'm swimming.
Life isn't supposed to be an easy race. One of my Edgar Cayce readings said, "Those who would gain the greater, suffer the more."
I don't dwell on the suffering. I might be too detached from it at times. Swimming releases me from my suffering by channeling everything that is perfected and balanced in me. It offers me an order, peace, and holistic solitude in a way which nothing else ever will. Adam may never understand why I had to quietly walk away and resume my life, but once I was back in the water where I belong, I felt only gratitude for the events that have all lead up to now.
Self-understanding is a gift that gives your soul wings. In the water, I understand that I am resilient and humble and determined and eternally vivacious and playful. The critically important detail of my life is that I have never given up. Any confrontation or trial, I have met with rectitude grace from my Jesus and I always manage to dust myself off and uncover a fuller, more adept version myself, mingling in the plight of destiny.
One of the earnest lessons I've learned thus far is that you must be careful with whom you share and entrust your dreams with. Your dreams are yours and that makes them sacred. The people I dearly love in my life, may never understand or relate to my dreams. Those who have tried to graze on my soul, have raised the dream topic with me as a way of creating false intimacy or condemning my expertise. I'm fiercely guarded against such intrusions at this state. I always say that if people do not wish to learn from you, they should peacefully depart from you and let you be. Jesus even, tried to shield himself from the naysayers who doubted and tried to derail Him from His work. If he heard their doubts or harsh feedback, he showed them the door and didn't allow them to witness the miracles he performed. I learn more from this example every single day.
When I was little, it was my mom's dream for me to go to the Olympics to compete in swimming. Granted, I love swimming, but swimming with so much pressure from parents and coaches became stressful and when anything in life becomes a source of stress, it steals the pleasure and enjoyment right out of it. I used to compete because it was fun, but when people began dying and I began drinking to dilute my depression, swimming was no longer fun and so I walked away from the sport.
When I didn't live up to my mom's dream for me, she branded me a failure and pretty much told me I would never amount to anything if I didn't swim. That was her dream for me. I wanted to make it to the Olympics, but I didn't want to sacrifice having a life outside of the pool and swimming was my only life for a long while, which bred a certain contempt for it. I did my best to nurture the Olympic dream for a while, most of my young life, until one day I grew up and realized-- That had never been a dream I planted in myself for myself, the fantasy of gold medals hanging around my neck and deals with Nike and Speedo--those were my Mom's dreams for me.
Don't let people project meaning into your dreams or send you chasing dreams that were never really yours. You are the only one who can define what the dreams mean to you and how to apply them to your life. The dreams are miracles you create and just like Jesus didn't let everyone watch him work the wonders, don't let people know the miracles of your divine dreams. I have a beautiful dream life that has offered me love and growth and challenges and a wealth of learning and I learned the hard way, why it's best not to reveal these personalized dreams to curious outsiders. Dream haters are real in the world. The do not want your dreams to become realities and they will say or do anything to stop you from manifesting your dreams. Don't share your dreams or give them away to people who are not equipped to receive or hear or cherish your dreams. Let them be between you and God if you have to, but you must safeguard against the dream haters who seek to deter the living dreamers from fulfilling the prophecy of the dreams.