"For whosoever believeth in Me shall not perish but have everlasting life." ~Jesus

Love is a constant lesson that can only be lived one day and one dream at a time...

Respect is a state of mind and a means of self-worth and the only respect you ever need is the respect from your God and your own lovable self. You never need anyone's respect to serve God to the best of your ability or however you feel called! If you know you are honest and in the right, march straight ahead with a happy heart and God shall surely shine His light on you. ____________________________________________________ Remember, having the respect of other humans is not your fuel or your final reward and it never will be. Attaining the respect of your peers is not a true source of satisfaction. That kind of fulfilment can only come from God's love, from loving others very deeply, and from the cycle of spiritual completetion. You are a part of the puzzle that is being constructed to make the picture of God's love--perfect. Don't let anyone stop your from drawing and expressing your portion of the art! ______________________________________________________ I am here to express something I saw in my dreams that no one else can express except for me. What are the things in your life that only you can express? Your expression is just as relevant, important, and essential as any well-known artist and if anyone tells you otherwise, keep them out of your inner circle. You are not going to get where God wants you to be if you listen to the destructive poison some people try to put into your ears. ____________________________________________________ I am the master of myself and it is not up to anyone else to decide for me how I master myself. The "respect" of this world is no gem or bauble and I do not worry myself mad in trying to win respect from anyone. I have learned this along the way-- the people who truly love you, are going to love and respect you-- unconditionally, no matter what you do or say! The people who have learned the lesson to love deeply because it covers and heals a multitude of sins-- will still love you, respectfully, regardless of what you have ever done or said! This is the foundation of God's love and to be under the law of this love means to learn from it.

It's hard to ask for help when for so long, I wanted to be the help, to serve without rewards. I can live on my own, but I find it hard to get to the next level on my own. I can pray, all on my own, but I never want to dream alone or be without his love. I think about him every day, the expressions on his face, the ways he made me laugh. All of the times he's ever come back. I think about what it's like to have found a friend and learned to love him in such a way, that it didn't take a drop of material to facilitate. I cry every night I am awake without him. I struggle and suffer through the days and then weep myself to sleep so we can be together again in our dreams. Usually, he's still there waiting for me. I've tried to let it go, to not know, to numb myself, to blow my heart to hell, but I can't forget how much he means to me. We had a oneness of purpose somehow that didn't require any questions because when I am with him I always know and he's the only place I want to be. We didn't just finish each others sentences, we finished each others thoughts and visions. I know not what more completion I shall ever find in life. I came home and vowed to move on, but my heart is stubborn and my purpose is out of stagnant sorts if I can't fall asleep and hug him like that and let him know how much I care for him.

I fell through Gods hands and flew. Flew like only angels can. Yet, I am not an angel nor much of a man. I tried to teach him, but I don't think he wants to be taught. He looked at me like I was the crucifed Son of God. He doesn't believe with the conviction and trepidation that I do. But I made him change and grow even thoguh for the longest time, he refused to. He's a lone old crow that let his divinity go, while drawing nearer and nearer to people who do not give life, but extinguish it with tangible things and double edged restraints that can only be complied with while he is awake. I squeezed the heaven that I gave and let it die when my eyes found the light. No sooner did I unearth, a liberated internal church. A place where children gather and laugh and delight in crafts and games to help the time pass. Before the world eats them.

I ended my relationship with Adam last weekend. I feel relieved and vacant at the same time. Towards the end, he would come at me with this hostility and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. He kept taking his stresses out on me and was constantly argumentative. He learned the hard way why it is better not to pick a fight with me. I remember early in the relationship, he turned around and blew up at me just for making a suggestion to put ice in the cooler before we loaded the boat. When he yelled at me like that, I knew that I would never be able to marry him. Sometimes I feel I am like a fragile butterfly that is only meant to live so long, just for people to admire fluttering in the distance, but never truly tame or capture.

I should go away. Somewhere to a place beyond appearances and feelings of displacement and yearn. A hammock where I can rest and be alone. Stretched limits of blackness, the unknown eyes of swirling stars. Just escape the earth bound storms. Reposed in formless form. And never to think on lust or exclusion or scorn. -Jessica I don't know why the format is not cooperating in here. I guess no one and nothing wants to cooperate anymore. I don't know what I am doing down here anymore, my life serves me better with stillness and sleep. I am severed from humanity and embraced by God and his people have forgotten how to love, and only taunt and mock.