It's hard to ask for help when for so long, I wanted to be the help, to serve without rewards. I can live on my own, but I find it hard to get to the next level on my own. I can pray, all on my own, but I never want to dream alone or be without his love. I think about him every day, the expressions on his face, the ways he made me laugh. All of the times he's ever come back. I think about what it's like to have found a friend and learned to love him in such a way, that it didn't take a drop of material to facilitate. I cry every night I am awake without him. I struggle and suffer through the days and then weep myself to sleep so we can be together again in our dreams. Usually, he's still there waiting for me. I've tried to let it go, to not know, to numb myself, to blow my heart to hell, but I can't forget how much he means to me. We had a oneness of purpose somehow that didn't require any questions because when I am with him I always know and he's the only place I want to be. We didn't just finish each others sentences, we finished each others thoughts and visions. I know not what more completion I shall ever find in life. I came home and vowed to move on, but my heart is stubborn and my purpose is out of stagnant sorts if I can't fall asleep and hug him like that and let him know how much I care for him.