Mermaid's Magic Flower

I annihilated the happiness
It splintered and shattered like glass
A surface broken by the toss of a pearl
Useless wisdom of the world
Hiding heaven’s irreparable theatrics
Deer in fields of present and past

I pleaded with the angel of young girls
To cut my life in half
Displaced mericless hysteria
at last
unpleasing morbid years
How the grayness does swirl
As the solitude gouges and sears, unadorned

No telling laughs, no irony or sass
Abstaining from cookies
Even shorter on cash
Robbed of all joys that conjure childhood
Outgrown but not lost
to the faintness of the past
Once I wore a smile
but those days were too good to last

Just a lonely piece of drift wood
wading in jellyfish feathers
frowning coral
stinging unseasonable weather
loss of all moral
salt in my only soft spot, spots of heather
His eyes, loud rainy eyes of God’s mystery
An undesirable heart blotted by a muse

His drops of flesh, I never knew
But the true power of humility lies here
For like the truth
I could no sooner refuse, only endear
The dearness of his curious stained soul
Gridded and magnetized, pole by pole

In a young dreamer’s look
He drank the wine of old
until we were infused, bound like a book
Two pages representing the whole
Health in sick droll

We were but stray sea kelp really
I merely drifted into him
terrified and confused
soaked up his reluctant help
So many dream side lessons
it was here I experienced true wealth

He learned and urged me to reclaim happiness
Happiness once deemed unlawful
Cast away by first impressions

Some only seeing the awful
So missing goes the hidden beauty mark
Like those alien sailing stars
Floating above dawn chasing fishermen
Manned with clear lines
And a single hook of spark

Steered by limited confessions
On a limitless sea of rolling luck
There he trolled in my doleful innocence
He must have seen it all along
Like an invisible rose
A mermaid’s magic flower
Scentless, but armed with a song


(C) 2010 Jessica Robbins
Peace, blessings, and unconditional love & understanding to all. :)

I am going to abstain from text messaging for an entire year and communicate strictly by means of advanced telepathy. Any man truly worthy of exchanging ideas or love will be able to channel messages directly into my soul and fly into my sleep and seduce me via telepathic dreaming and strategic astral rendezvous. After I have succeeded in wooing even the gayest of men in the dream realm by flaunting my phallic masculine side, then I shall reenter the modernistic nightmare of hyper technological socialization, fully integrated and further educated in the divinatory arts. The risen savior is the perfect combination of masculine and feminine energies, therefore I denounce the appearance of my womanhood and all of my carnal desires; text, virtual, sexual, nutritional or otherwise, and seek only to embrace and honor and love the unity and delicate differences within and of each soul. Being attached to gender, even your own, detracts progress.
A book will be written about these experiences. I will call the book “A Year of Crashing Computers in Favor of Collectively Manifesting the Second Coming of Christ." The book will be encoded with subliminal messages that will summon all of the Atlantean incarnates to meet secretly at bus stops and subway stations across America, and then by using only crystals and telepathy, we will brainwash all of the members of congress and convince president Obama to disband the government. After Obama has stepped down, the former Atlantean leaders will assume a non-profit peaceful assembly (because let’s face it, the Government agencies, police especially are not non-profit) and the Atlanteans will implement new educational strategies aimed at training and educating our children about self-regenerative healing powers and the seven internal spiritual centers so that they may eliminate the need for any type of insurance, outside health care, and deceptive religions. Once the people see they are capable of healing any ailment by invoking the power of the Christ within, they will stop going to doctors and stop believing they are sick at all. They must stop believing in death, death is what grants power to the medical fields, the terrorists, religions, and the like.

After the healing arts have been handed down and people begin to see past the veils of death, then we will proceeds to restore the Mayan and Atlantean systems of time, study, and fair trade. The only way to rid the earth of corruption is to destroy the need for money, and if we engage in more cooperative trading of goods and services rather than taxing and inflating the value of material, land, and gas to satisfy greed, humanity as a whole, may be salvageable because they will return to life under the Law of One. Under the law of one, everyone will love one another as he has loved thee and all debts will be forgiven. It is God’s will that all debts be erased and the only way to bring about a new Earth is to treat all human beings as new life and forgive all of the bad financial judgment. After people stop believing they are owed and entitled to something due to previous debt, they will seek other ways of healthy self-sustainment, which will include greater emphasis on the artistic, literary fields, and organic farming; most crafts of which are free of restraints, conditions, and demands. Because so many women will no longer be working in government and law branches, they will explore sewing their own clothes, shoes, and making homemade beauty products. This will substantially reduce the need for income and spending. They will be encouraged to trade clothes and shoes for food grown by the organic farmers. This will also play a vital role in helping to curb obesity. Lincoln had the power to abolish slavery, we too have the power to abolish unnecessary desires because we are all slaves to our desires.

He’d only been gone for a few days once the nostalgia crept in and began to rape and murder me alive. I didn’t even know what I was nostalgic for, another pet project maybe. A muse that was more committed to me and the completion of my story than himself or his money. But I’d never found such a person, not here anyway. The creative surges were more agonizing than the unrelenting lovesickness. Did I really know him well enough to truly miss him? Or did I just have some kind of compulsion to write about every smidge of emotion he evoked? Where we would have gone or lived together were questions I didn’t want to contemplate. Leaving those question unasked and unanswered made way more sense. The detachment made sense, after he was gone anyway.

Gravitating to him had been an involuntary reflex, much like dreaming. One minute you're ebbed in blackness and the next, a warm face is shining a light in your soul. Opening the door to his light was instinctual somehow. I never let anyone come through that door, hell I rarely tell anyone where I live, let alone encourage them to stay. He roamed here and here I let him make a home next to me for a time. I felt more at home when he was here than I ever had in this damn house alone. Yet, in spite of the romantic wholeness, I wasn’t worried about letting him go. Even if he went for good, he could never take the wholeness with him. So the letting go part came all too easy, it was familiar turf. It was letting him stay and become a touchstone in my life that made me feel ill. Ill and longing for my unpardonable aloof and distant nature. Apart from a nice pair of boobs and free room and board, I had nothing of relevance to offer him. We weren’t necessarily at different places in our lives, but just different enough to make me apprehensive, to exercise passive caution. Meeting him closer to his place on the path would have involved recycling some old beat up lessons that I had no desire to drag out of that plastic blue bin again.
He left on a Monday. The recycling truck came by about an hour later and hauled the rest away. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.

Betrothed to blackness
A striking face
Blended in a subtle sky
Distance comes with age
Married to emptiness
The color of her cries
Caper Groom, average fish
Swims only to be released
A simple man with unquenchable dreams

As the ink dries
The tattoo finally fades
rotting February night
promises made with grenades
Forever never meant to persist
The children go on strike
Hostages to bitterness
The lights turn off in their eyes

Homes come and go
Cloaked in paternal posh
Still a plan, i know
Flayed out and gutted in sobs
Accessory to falseness
Mommy's obsessed with money and loss
A bride turned stiff
aging only for her own
Fretting in engendered fear
She’d end up all alone

Any day he will leave
Fourteen hours from now
Control will seem free
Daddy’s moving out
Say farewell to solidarity
The split rail rain
Forsaking all clarity
Untaken book of last names
Changeable destiny
On a river of saints
He is floundering
Unlived and unused
8 bedroom house
Held a picture or two
But never a real vow

(c) 2010 Jessica Robbins

 
My latest oil piece in progress...

 
Sketch of my Jeshua. Doesn't do him close to justice!