tucked away in this chamber of clarity
I wear my drippy emotions deep and despairingly
I’ve stopped crying for now
but the sickle windy weather is fairing
the faint frozen soul in me
the candle is in here
it hasn’t gone out yet I see

the men come quickly
everywhere it seems
they’re waiting to objectify
more of me
they honor only their disease
project these fucking sensuous motives onto me
I don’t want sex, not in a way mortals do
I made love in a dream once
it felt more like love than use

I want such love to experience
to constantly create the spiritual ecstasy
it's more of a thought than an act
I crave healthy thinking in every cell
to know how such love feels beyond the dreamy fairytale

Fulfillment, it doesn’t dissipate after the sun rises
sometimes I delight in indulging his altering guises
young once, older the next
he's even come in an age when he was unwed
as I did suggest
it’s proven one way to know more
to be loved, cared for, and adored
by one man, at least when he chooses to see
the most sensitively remote and pure side of me

Do I know who he is at all?
Do I falter too frequently in disbelief?
if it’s truly Jesus, so mote it be

all those who know not the trinity
bide their actions by impulsive brink
laughed at sad cat calls, ignored the pervert winks
And when I tried to oblige and make it work
I tolerated abuse
and heard every petty excuse you can think
and I’ll tell you now
excuses won’t make a wedding ring

celibacy, my will
to have and hold
abstaining from skin
no more, no more men can come in

I hear their thoughts
the way they react to my form
the come not for the basin of life

they lay with countless women
who are obviously not their wives
and then they wonder why
they’re souls are still so unsatisfied
Godless fools

you can’t fill yourself with material and sex
and expect it to fix what’s wrong
another broken, loveless marriage
keeps playing that tired, ill fated Disney song
broken record
scratch

(c) Jessica Robbins

Unraveling despair
the heartbreak fills the air
your love slaughters me
caring gore to spare

yet little is spared it seems
for it’s taking over all of my dreams
invader yeah like a razor
to a clean wrist
spill out the bloodstream

stitch my burns up again
while I’m waiting
drink a few more cups of flaming sin
the fire fills the seed
and hopelessness was made for me
just like you and I

were made to dream

a heart of grain
drawn in the sand
the tender times
I held your happy hand
rolling over close to me
begging for releasing
releasing
If I could
I'd dream without ceasing
no ceasing

I took a drink and you held on
I took some pills and you threw up
I closed my eyes and counted to ten
and you were there beside me
still waiting once again
I took an oath in secret to you
that I’d always understand
no matter what stupid shit you do
but what the fuck more do you want from me?
you and I both know they’re more than dreams
they’re more than dreams

the emotion swept me away
I fear I'm far more lovable in that place
taken with teal eyes
tidy little grace
a broken, lonely baby face

now you’re gone
and I’m searching this empty waste
wasted time and a private parking space
the oil stains on the driveway
collect runny, more saturated by the day
longing not to
wash his oil away

It’s satisfying, thrilling juicy things
the way the memories feed me
day in and slowly out
out in his starry meadow
the way truth seldom drips
over his embellished lips
words to run as love runs about

I can’t muster a hunger
I feel tempted by nothing
little tanglible registers here
I overcame the world my dear
all I have to do now is get out
do you have such ears to hear?
hear and go knowingly
beyond each and every dream
I go
go on knowing
love

(c) 2010 Jessica Robbins

That’s not how it goes.
Your version paints no such enticing rose
And less emotion, the dreariness to sow

No one dotes on being wrong
but your truth is cold and impotent
woe unto you defiled foe

Karma of consequence. You know?
No, you wouldn’t know, would you?
I suppose you’d like to

Know how I saw him squirm
in a squirmy way he’s never squirmed for those who elude
so wonder away
weak minded fabrication ensues

the curiosity cripples you so
asphyxiation to the overcut throat
all of your meritless glory went to feed his gloat
wasteful

spawned by impaired sages
that’s why you revisit these aggrieved pages
come lurking to the mermaid's show
these spells summon you like my dear unfavorable ghost

life demote
I’ll leap from the trusty tank that keeps me captive
(discreetly I like the glass so close)
you'll edge off as I fail and scream
portray a distraught and hapless dream
give way, idle musings the flesh born want to know

But I didn’t come to grant a fraction of disposable dignity
I'll tie no such sin to thee
And you’ll never know how far he really went with me
Cause I’m just visiting
They tagged me over 4 years ago
a spy to do God’s gentle listening
rightly sow...aye justice is slow
although sometimes gentleness and justice is like a nail
A displaced wren on a crow’s watch rail
watching the lingering meteor show

My mornings are like a honey hive
but the bees bustle far more organized and alive
Unless living means a life of torrential cries
another noon nap, my resolve divides

I can’t take anyone else’s seriousness seriously
for they are only serious about themselves
frequencies of fret
percussion of a material wishing well
future of a self-imprisoned hell
the mecca I carry
in this story only my eyes can tell

the archangels haven’t fallen
they visit me though
drape me in sheer veils of hope
asking, imposing
vital questions worthy of Mary’s knowing
have you gotten enough praise and acceptance yet?
How’s the satisfaction in your concealment?
did it cover the cost of your debt?
You better get enough money to forget
the times Jesus got your feet wet

it appears mine never dry
with each cross I meet next
puddle of your love
baby of rainy death

(c) Jessica Robbins

Sometimes when I look again
I see the submersed beauty in me
barely under the surface of ecstasy
a timid guide, a skeptical arrow
shooting a delicate serene glow
that light, the glare
the gaze I frequent
when the teasing dies about my hair
when there's little left to be sought
on the outside
it's the inner beauty I stole

(c) Jessica

At singing practice

 

 
Not quite done with this one, but wow I'm having fun with the series.

Oneness series: becoming one with the art